I'm not sure how much I can get out, but I need to try.
I am feeling close to another breakdown. It has been a while since I've had one, so I guess I'm due.
Life itself is going pretty well. We are living in a dream house in the neighborhood we've wanted to be in for four years; we are financially stable for a while, our bills have been paid; I get to see my out-of-town best friend this weekend for the first time in almost two months.
But I am extremely emotional. I want to be pregnant. Now. But my body is not cooperative, and I don't even know if it's possible for me to conceive. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for months, and it has built up, and exploded last night. I am intensely depressed.
The last few days I have been sleeping a lot. I can't fight it. I get home with the kids, do my daily duties, and lay down because I am out of energy, and then I pass out. Today I fell asleep around 4:30 and didn't get up until 8:00 because I needed to go to the store. I feel awful for Montana. I haven't been very attentive, and I am cheating her--I know this, but I feel like I am useless to her while in this funk.
This weekend I'll be with my best friend, and I know I'll feel better when I get home. Hopefully then I can focus on Christmas, and just be happy. That's a tall order, but I'll work on it.
